Mr Toms is more than just an ICT and Computing teacher. He is a demi-god, a master of computer-related oration, and the quotes and actions related here are testament to His leetness.

NOTE: Due to the tragic yet ever-prevalent force known throughout the galaxy as memory loss, most of these are actually paraphrases or descriptions of what occurred. If you see any quotes you believe to be false and/or misattributed, or have corrections, please contact me.

Please send any comments, hate mail, suggestions and improvements (but not all in one go) to mattwindsor -= curly at sign =- btinternet -= full stop =- com.

• "The sessions are not compulsory... but they are."
• "God! It's like being at school!" (when trying to get people to put their hands up for something. Swift response from Tom: "Um... We ARE at school."
• "My computer's so rubbish!" (talking honestly about his MacBook, which admittedly was running Windows in a VM at the time)
• "You're never here anyway, so it doesn't matter if you miss this."
• "You can't do the same thing at the same time."
• "A bit like Ghostbusters, when they click their... No."
• "No-one likes a bighead, Tom."
• "In the exam it's one less thing you don't have to worry about."
• "There are neat ways of doing this. But you just want to do the job."
• "Don't use your brain, just do the copying". (This is probably Mr Toms's teaching ethos)
• "One plus one equals three." (Later: "No, one plus one does not equal three, that's silly.")
• (Talking about a procedure to print rectangles) "Have you gotten onto the 3D one yet?"
• "I'm not going to waste time by going over complicated things that aren't going to be in the exam." (After spending weeks going over GUIs, which are an A2 topic)
• "ByVal is like global variables, and ByRef is like local variables." (Writes this on the board, asks a question on it, then upon getting a flawed answer realises his mistake and nearly attacks the whiteboard trying to amend it, for, in actuality, ByVal is like local and ByRef is like global)
• "Ubuntu is about as helpful as a washing line."

• To call him a Mac fanboy is a gross understatement.
• As an example of parallel arrays, he created an array for (our real) student names and an array for student grades. Each and every grade was A.
• Later, while providing an example for an array of records, he showed an array of student name/marks out of 10 records. He added himself with a mark of 200/10.
• Referring to me as Michael despite having taught me on Moodle for a year.
• If I recall correctly, got a C in Computing. Hmmmm...
• Typoed the range of values for a 32-bit signed integer as -214,748,364 to 2,147,483,647, instead of -2,147,483,648 to 2,147,483,647, decided these were the correct values, and asked me why the range for negative values was less than the range for positive values!
• They don't call him Mr PDF for nothing. 99% of his lessons involve reading at least one of them.
• Who could possibly forget "WillLovesMatt.co.uk"?

This page is dedicated to my cat, Victoria (Vicky), who was fatally wounded by a freak Visual Basic IntelliSense-related accident about a year ago. Requiescat in pace, dim memory as loving.

This page is meant to be humorous. If you are offended by the content on this page, please contact me and I'll blam it out of existence as soon as humanly possible. I accept no responsibility for any seizures or trauma caused by the mock-Mac System 1 CSS theming, nor do I accept any responsibility for my lousy CSS breaking, even though it is probably my fault. Live with it.